After Happily Ever After…

I would like to know why I have had a conversation along these lines THREE times in the past few weeks.

Oh yeah we/he were thinking about getting engaged/proposing

But Erin might get mad….

Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can’t win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you’re just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don’t know the Man. He’s everywhere. In the White House… down the hall… Ms. Mullins, she’s the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he’s burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock ‘n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome ’cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!

-Dewey Finn (School of Rock…aka the greatest movie ever…stfu)

So i’ve read enough Dooce not to write about my new job but needless to say it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.  This job is the closest to Rockstardom a tone deaf kid from eastern Ontario could ever strive for.  My day is about sticking it to, and thusly bringing down The Man.  I am now the labour solidarity rock star of transcription ;x

I will say it was entirely strange how downtown was today.  Like an old friend I stopped calling…

Yeah hi Commercial Drive…it’s not you… it’s me…

Here are some phrases I NEVER want to hear ever again.

-Can I ask you a question?

-Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays…

-Can you speak up I can’t hear you

- (mid sentence) pardon me?!

-Working hard or hardly working?

-My printer wont work…Eriiinnn?

-We are out of coffee….Eriiinnn?

-Best Regards

-To whom it may concern

-LINE ONE, LINE TWO, LINE ONE, LINE ONE….

So if you haven’t caught on i’ve decided to fulfill my prophecy of retiring at 25 (Freedom 25).  Well i’m 26 but honestly that year that I was a baby was pretty sweet so i’ll write it off. 

I have a feeling that it’s now or never, i’m getting to this point where I should have saved up money, or gone to school to pull in a salary over 40k.  One more day behind a desk furiously apologizing for things I have no control over whilst stuffing my face with a candy jar would have killed me.

This weekend everyone wants to do something.  There’s the Pride Festival, my darling Dave is playing with the band on saturday, and Mya is coming for the weekend.  However, I really need a vacation, away from the apartment, away from Surrey, away away away.  So i’m going to have to miss out on the best weekend ever because i’m running away to Kelowna until Monday to laze about with Robyn.  Get pedicures, think of my new company name, and transfer ownership of her old car to me!

I’m on the bus on my last day of work and I hear this conversation.

Girl- oh you’re back! Did you enjoy your day off?
Lady-yes! Tough to come back though!
Girl-Jim said it was going to be a bad week. So I said I’m calling in sick until you get back! Ha ha ha

Jesus I need to get away from these dead cells before my brain blows up and I catch myself telling someone I’m working hard or hardly working.

I know, i’ve been distant.  But it’s not you it’s me!

Now that my life is getting sorted out ill be back and better than before…now to download an ftp program and get my camping adventure, 80’s night, and day in the lifes going…

TBC

So today is the worst day of my entire week.

Everything has just flown by since what was it? Oh friday evening I guess.

KARYN CAME BACK!

Hurray for the 3 girls being back together, now we can continue on taking pictures together where I look like some sort of gelatanous blob in the background trying to eat my twig thin friends. So Karyn and I smoked too much pot all week, I floated through work on Monday, celebrated Canada Day on Tuesday. By celebrate, I also mean ran around Wal-Mart grabbing anything labelled CAMPING because dammit I might need it. I’m such a stress case, if it wasn’t for Eric I would have packed 40lbs of make up and a dress.

I’m trying to write, but it’s all incoherent.

I have to ask for Thursday and Friday off today, and then at 4pm get in the car and turn the damn blackberry off.

So Eric and I have never actually been on a date…

We creeped into each others lives by chain smoking on our side by side patios until the other one would notice and come visit.  I wore a path in the cedars between our houses.  He asked me out on a date to Science World which turned into us living together about two days later.  We had two apartments on the go, all of my friends coming out of the wood work to visit me after my hermit phase, and well sometimes you just want to hang out on the couches watching Pixar movies in your underwear.

When he got back from fishing he was completely wired wanting to go immediately for dinner.  To my chagrin I had spent the last seven hours windexing and scrubbing so that plan was nixed in favour of underwear movie night.  Rescheduling was done for Monday and sure enough we managed to make it out of the house to show off how damn good looking we are.

Dates are so strange, I always slightly feel like an imposter.  Like someone is going to call me out for not being old enough to order a bottle of eighty dollar wine.  Our waitress was the cutest thing i’ve ever seen, she was trying to be so fancy pouring our wine and she started twisting the bottle after she had poured like molasses was dripping out of it.  Eric being the coniesseur couldn’t keep his face straight and ended up spending a good fifteen minutes of our date teaching her how to pour wine.  Even doing the stand behind her thing and holding her hands.  She blushed like crazy, and we got attention all night…or he did…but it’s something i’m willing to do.  You can totally flirt with my hot french man, just keep that bread rolling in!

A walk down the New West quay completed the evening.

I’m still just wondering how life could get any better…

Oh that’s right…a novo ;x

I named this blog “After happily ever after…” for a solid reason.  Mostly that no matter what I do everything has been coming up Erin since 2008.  Besides not being a huge fan of my current job I can’t think of one bad thing to happen to me so far.

Yesterday was a perfect example.  I took a cab to work and stopped at the bank to pull out twenty dollars, lo and behold I didn’t have a penny left in my bank account.  I rescued the situation by grabbing some money out of petty cash.  Of course now i’m completely out of money, in debt to my boss and in true Erin fashion am completely out of cigarettes.

I stretched the pack all day but had resigned myself to having to call my dad to ask to borrow money.  Just as I had one cigarette left I looked in my desk drawer (that I NEVER use) and noticed one of those bubble-y plastic containers that toys are dispensed in.  I’ve been holding this little Hello Kitty keychain in there until I met someone that was actually born in the year of the Monkey.  I turned to my coworker and inquired her chinese zodiac sign.  “Oh i’m a monkey!”

As I popped open the bubble ten dollars in twoonies fell out, just enough to get cigarettes.

I made it home fine but was getting apprehensive about cigarettes tomorrow, bus fare, and being able to buy a nice dinner for when my baby gets home.  All of a sudden a knock on the door, it’s my landlord with two damage deposit cheques for about a thousand dollars.

So now, I just have to wait patiently, shave, cook, nails, and other domestic tortures waiting for just…twenty one more hours.

PATIO QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I have very strong morales, I firmly believe in loving thy neighbour…!”

So here are the positive things I have discovered about single life.

- The middle of the bed is the most fan-fucking-tastic place to sleep. It emboldens you to throw your weight around; tossing and turning knowing that both left and right side have you supported with all the room you need.

- With the choice of FOUR pillows instead of TWO pillows happy sleep possibilities are endless.

- Being 5′ usually delegates me to the love seat, I’m telling you I have not experienced more three seat joy as I have this week.

- Uninterrupted Oblivion time

- Parties that don’t end until 6:30am

Other than that though, I’m going through torture. I’ve never really missed someone like I do Eric. Almost to the point where I’m creepily changing my blackberrys background to our infamous first kiss picture.

I’ve also picked my wedding venue, engagement ring, possible date, and started clearing the month of August with my Ontario friends that can travel. Absence makes some hearts grow fonder, but it makes mine delusional and somewhat psychotic.

On a somewhat less creepy level, let’s have some fun discussing the various objects on my desk.

1. /omg4real left up, half written garbage about missing my pookie wookie.

2. I have 63 folders for e-mails none of which I can archive. My computer runs about as slow as me after eleven pm.

3. Straight vodka in a beer mug, the only way to get through a day in dispatch

4. The tape! Used for putting up whimsical signs/cartoons that do not amuse or interest anyone else in the office but me. If loving Dilbert is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

5. MY GOD STAPLER! You better believe you are looking at a pink swingline stapler. “I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…” -Milton

6. The ever present coffee cup, it’s double cupped because I’m in charge of purchasing and have not yet yelled at myself for wasting.

7. Scissors, otherwise known as the cocaine of the office environment. Scissors go missing oh about every nine seconds, and usually only upper management is allowed to have them. I have secured my scissors through a series of riddles, each one more challenging than the next.

8. Bic GripRoller pens, which deliver ink created out of solid gold and Brad Pitt love juice. I need to have a minimum of three on my desk at all times. I think these cost like $12.00 for a box, everyone else in the yard gets the clear plastic roller balls…suckers.

9. Hand santizer, which has been completely unsanitized by being the communal pump for over 30 truck drivers while i’m not on my desk.

Then so begins my two weeks of being single.

I may even break out that t-shirt I  salvaged from the racks of Walmart that states in giant white letters over teal blue size small “I’M THE SINGLE FRIEND!”

Although, as I have the hottest, most amazing boyfriend i’ll most likely end up wearing his sweatshirts and crying over 90’s weezer songs.

I can’t seem to get over this engagement thing in my head, i’m restless and impulsive and dammit when I want something I want something NOW!  In fact most of my work day yesterday was spent finding a wedding venue…

So far this resort is completely in the lead, I can almost see a tiny blonde me strutting past the hedges.

I’m just very adverse to time wasting as I creep up my twenties, I mean life is right there and these experiences are just a push away.  Even if it’s not a wedding, thoughts keep creeping into my head about finding a part time job just for the experience and actually taking courses in creative writing and english.  If it wasn’t for my serious case of procrastination i’ve been envisioning the thought of a few months off of terrible office work to just write.

Maybe soon…